Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to get articles on divorce and dating. You can see he's online but he's ignoring your posts or private messages. 4 You have trust issues. BUT, if its causing an issue in the marriage, then its a problem. Its not quite like the days on the schoolyard, and the older you get, the more closed off and set in their ways people tend to be making it harder and harder to forge new connections or be accepted by an existing social group. Ive made so many sacrifices for her and she cant take 10 seconds to pick up her mess. Pilossoph holds a Masters degree in journalism and lives in Chicago with her two teenagers. After months (years sometimes), the social one is tired of begging his or her spouse to go out, so she starts going out to the parties by herself. Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. 9. What Is The #1 Issue Or Problem In Your Marriage? 2.You dislike interference from others in your life. My husband likes to go to peoples houses and stay for the whole day. Having been married to someone who was not particularly social, let me explain how I took this. Ive been married 29 years in 2 months, we have 3 beautiful adult children that are thriving. Therapy can be very helpful for these kinds of situations. We strive to be attentive and faithful. This type of person literally HATES to go out with anyone but their spouse. Unfortunately, though, this isnt a Hollywood romantic comedy, and a husband without his own social circle can lead to some problems in real life marriages. If you are a homebody, marry that type of person. I like different things and my husband does not want to go and explore with me. Be strong and be authentic, and you will have a beautiful life ahead of you., - Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling. If my wife asks me to socialize or attend a function I dont want to go to, I simply say no. An introvert in contrast is simply shy. She married a man who loved to socialize and dance every weekend and they had a wonderful marriage together until his death a few years ago. Sitting here alone in Nashville because I did not know the plans my husband made with his friends. I hate being among large groups of people I dont know very well, and find making small talk very difficult. My soon to be ex wife is extroverted. Ive tried taking to her about it and it becomes WWIII. I wish there was. Your email address will not be published. 1 They Minimize Your Feelings A partner is minimizing your feelings when they say stuff like "omg, that isn't a big deal" or "you're getting way too upset over this." "They should be validating. Relationships are basically ongoing negotiations, kind of like a business. These family members are around your daughters to? I dont demand she does anything. I always told her I do better in small groups with people I know well already, but she has always wanted to do things in large groups. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying My husband has no friends or hobbies,) you might not think this is a big problem. No criticism or judgment. But I never enjoyed it, and for an introvert like me I dont believe thats something I could ever learn. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. But to my surprise, she agreed to give it up. Before that, she thought that hating camping was fine and acceptable, but hating socializing was a serious character flaw. My husband is 6 years older to me and we had an arranged . My husband doesn't want kids. It may be that the way you and your husband communicate is contributing to the problem. She tried to force a friendship. So I cant disagree with your assertion that having an antisocial spouse can lead to separation and divorce. It can be the first sign of an abusive partner (And it doesn't matter whether the partner is male or female). I have few friends and like it that way. Insecurity can also be a driving force behind obsessive codependence that need to be together all the time. Would he consider therapy and maybe medication? My wife left me earlier this year. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, and he's indifferent to your absence. All Jackie is doing is presenting what is going on on the other side too. There may be an underlying reason (we'll get to that), but the fact remains: You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you choose. You got it! Because I feel men love to provide and make their wives happy and protects them. Non social or asocial is NOT antisocial aka psycopaths. Nevertheless, I agree that you have a responsibility as a spouse to try to meet the needs of your partner. That means I might spend an entire evening eating somewhere I dont want to eat or going somewhere I dont want to go or hearing a bunch of profanity or political talk I dont agree with. Im seeing a counselor just to keep my sanity. Making superficial small talk is excruciating for me. Is something wrong? it makes me just clam up even more. I do realize that it isnt this simple, and that people who are antisocial might be uncomfortable, and might feel awkward and hence start getting anxiety if they know they are going out to a social event. 2 Try responding differently to difficult situations. Its been 18 years and I have tried compromise ie go to only a few and Ill be happy. The beauty of life is I dont have to deal with it. Im so much happier single. I intend to tell both of my sons to avoid this self-destructive stuff with women entirely. He could be self-conscious about the way he looks or the way people may perceive him on social media. The nuances that comes with being an Introvert dont need to be fixed or changed. You can get a divorce but remember who is really to blame here. Ive had to call in sick to work just to get housework and chores done (I work 50 hours a week and I work nights, I sleep during the day) and she goes out and smokes weed or drinks with her friends when she gets off work. Remember, both people should be givers in the relationship. A woman took to social media to complain about her husband's habit of grading her food out of 10, claiming he orders a takeaway if he doesn't approve of her meal choice as he refuses to cook for . One of the reasons that she gave was that she wanted to be with someone more extroverted. Over the years I have tried going out without her, but then I would feel resentment when everyone else is with their significant other but me. She has a job and yet Im always tight on money. We are completely different in terms of our social lives. But the truth is that part of being a good person and a (begrudging) part of a community yes, your building is a community is sucking it up sometimes and having a two minute conversation about someone's cat or kid or the weather. This isnt to say that you shouldnt be spending time together, of course, just that when theres a serious imbalance in your respective social lives, problems are bound to follow. Now my wife comes to me when the kids don't listen to her, not the other way around. My My,, I read your comment and i felt m listening to my husband.. A lack of mutual respect. We stand by to help or at least we want to help. I couldnt agree more. The last few trips I've made alone, simply making excuses for my husband. Thinking yelling is the same as communication. We share very few friends and almost never go out with other couples or invite them to our house. My husband, on the other hand, is more likely to check his CNN feed than his Facebook feed, and thinks that tweeting is what birds do. You can only change yourself and your own reactions. Not liking things is normal. They want to see him, too, because he's part of the family to them. Personally, I was always willing to accommodate my wife and go out to parties with her. How do we put this behind us? For me it's the opposite; my female partner has no close family or friends, and views any suggestion that I, a male, needs to make any new friends. I see a theme on all sites answering this question. Shes an impulsive spender. She can cry, yell, give me the silent treatment or anything else she wants to but I do what I want. We are here a very short time. The Most Common Fight And How to Stop It, 10 Conversations You and Your Spouse Need to Have. My husband and I have a happy family with children and grandchildren, and we share several interests. No matter how much (or how little) we seem to make, the problems [], Maintaining a successful marriage is hinged on communication. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. Hope this helps. Its okay to be an introvert or not attending social functions. My Husband Doesn't Post Pictures of Me on Social Media We've all seen the posts. He is also very smart and finds most conversations boring. Force him to attend and watch him crawl out of his skin with boredom and stress 4. Everyone cultivates different types of relationships with the people around them. What you are describing as antisocial is actually being introverted. Your husband should want that for you and not be jealous or concerned. However, despite appearances, I don't hate people. I have started to plan things with my single friends because of it. I love having people over for dinner and entertaining in my home. Also he moved out of our house to be away from me and to be alone. Sincere, gentle, soft, & femininely, works like a charm and makes me feel better too without stress. What about the people who dont seem to have any friends at all? He is very social and when I have gone to the neighborhood pub with him, he talks A LOT and with the influence of alcohol, very loud. Your email address will not be published. You Don't Feel Good About. Maybe he doesnt realize it. He calls me anti social when I am not. Even if [], Your email address will not be published. Nobody is magic. And might I add that watching tv with her is no picnic as she sits there and passes gas for hours and hours. Not the spouse who was not what you wanted, that you chose, anyways. Trust me, there is nothing wrong in being alone sometimes. I feel bad.. may b he is not wrong. Be yourself and dont ever change. I only want to spend time with her or our children and that is how its going to be. 20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self, 10 Big Divorce Mistakes You Really Dont Want to Make, How Does Mediation Work? How Do I Get My Husband To Understand My Feelings. A great thing to consider would be inviting a few friends over on Friday night for Shabbat dinner. Its not something that is a bad quality, or that you should be ashamed of. Add message. The man needs to compromise. While you might be all of these wonderful things, and a truly good, caring, kind person, if never wanting to go out and do stuff is a problem for your spouse, then it is a problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed. Of course, you work. 15 January 2015. Especially Introversion is not something that we can just switch off. My kids listen to me a lot more, not in fear, but they know they have to listen. Feeling I married the wrong man for me. 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